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Sarah

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It's where you wanna be [08 Dec 2004|01:49am]
[ mood | horny ]
[ music | Set Phasers To Sun ~Taking Back Sunday ]

*Sits in a cold tub of ice*
Wow.
Do.Not.See.Alexander.If.You.
Don't.
Want.To.Feel.Like.A.12.Year.Old.School.Girl.On.Viagra.
<3
Sarah
3 Watched Their Dreams Die| Fuck Up The Things You Love

You KNOW your seats suck when even the lights can't reach you! [05 Dec 2004|04:16am]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | Shiver ~Maroon 5 ]


Okay, so I admit that I'm definetly not a digital 'artist'.
Actually, I'm no artist at all.
So shut up.
I suck, shut up.
Haha.
I'm only good at band photos... sometimes... once in a while... rarely.

Anyways, I went to the HFSMAS Nutcracker jank tonight.
It was fun times, really.
Except that the only band that I came to see played five songs - thus having the shortest set of the night.
I love My Chemical Romance. Hehe.
But I really liked the energy of Chevelle.
And I really liked The Killers.
Franz Ferdanand made me wanna get up and dance.
Jimmy Eat World made me melt.
And of course I have nothing but love for Good Charlotte.

Yep. Sometimes it feels oh so good to go 'mainstream'.

<3
Sarah
Fuck Up The Things You Love

[03 Dec 2004|03:40am]
Alex (lead singer) was recently kicked out Stars Hide Fire because he wasn't marketable - IE: Not hot enough.
Apparently, he didn't have a good image.
They didn't like the way he looked.

Take out the amazingly energized bassist.
The extremely talented vocalist.

And you're nothing but a bunch of guitars and SHIT

I wanna punch those three until their fucking brains come out of their eye sockets.

I can't even begin to imagine how Alex feels right now.

<3
Sarah
Fuck Up The Things You Love

Without You I Would Fallllll... [21 Nov 2004|05:56pm]
[ mood | productive ]
[ music | Dying Philosophy ~Sound Riot ]

Last night's show was beyond great.
Finally got to see my boys of Stars Hide Fire after MONTHS
And and and Sound Riot!
WeWt!
The show was a spur of the moment deal and so was bowling beforehand.
There were a ton of people there.
Like
Niku, Patti, Shan, DDR mom, Sarah Nicole, yaddah yaddah yaddah
And of course all the band geeks
Arian's fro couldn't get any bigger! And he said that he had gelled it down!!!
CRAZY!
And and and Matt (lead singer of Underscore) was like
'OMG! LONG TIME NO SEE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!'
And I've only talked to him once before.
Talk about amazingly great and cute.
And he hugs hard...!!!!
Alex, once again, dressed like me.
And told everyone that I dress like him!
Scandalous liar!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANYWAYS, here are my Sound Riot pictures from last night
( They're fairly alright... sucking... considering there was NO FUCKING LIGHT WHATSOEVER! (but I still don't like them much) )

<3
Sarah
Fuck Up The Things You Love

Eid Mubarak! [18 Nov 2004|02:03am]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | The District Sleeps Alone Tonight ~The Postal Service ]

This Eid, by far was one of the best ones I've ever had.
I didn't get sick this year.
I didn't have to wear clothes I was really uncomfortable in.
I didn't have to eat out.
I didn't have to complain about anything.
The whole day was full of little and big surprises that made the day overall a good day.
( Eid Mubarak, everyone! (Pictures!) )
Too bad I couldn't get pictures of everything.
And pictures of everyone.
Esp my male cousins and uncles... they're so entertaining - but we're mostly seperated most of the time.
Anyways. Good day.
Bye!
<3
Sarah
2 Watched Their Dreams Die| Fuck Up The Things You Love

[15 Nov 2004|02:16am]
( This is the most true and depressing letter I've ever written )
Although that's a letter to someone else in particular, it's also kind of a withdraw letter to the world.
<3
Sarah
1 Watched Their Dreams Die| Fuck Up The Things You Love

You're A Stupid Little Baby Man! [11 Nov 2004|02:11am]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | Right Side Of The Bed ~Atreyu ]


Is it bad that ones that I once considered best friends (or still do) are the ones that I ultimately dislike at the moment?
Like, not just a little... but a whole lot?
It feels like they just don't care anymore.
Or don't care enough to actually put forth the effort of calling me.
Or making plans.
It seems as though I always make the plans.
And it seems as though I'm always the one that gets hung up on.
Seems like the only one I can trust is Colleen.
Grrrrrrrrrrr.
I'm so angry yet feel so pathetically unwanted at the moment.
GRRRRRRR.

You're a stupid little baby man!!! (Watch it and leave a comment to prove that you did so so I know that you actually graced yourself with something so amazing!)

I think I'm going to somewhere alone.
For a loooooong time.

I want to disappear off of the face of the earth
And return without any knowledge of who I am or where I am going
And just simply start over
Now know ANYONE
Or anything
No bands, types of music, stereotypes, movies, NOTHING
I want to relearn everything
And give everything and everyone a second chance again

And I think I'm going to do that sometime in the next year.
<3
Sarah
1 Watched Their Dreams Die| Fuck Up The Things You Love

I'm Such An Optimist. [07 Nov 2004|03:02pm]
[ mood | thankful ]
[ music | The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You ~My Chemical Romance ]

Okay, so as you all know, I think A LOT.
And not just randomly, I think and question and ponder ponder ponder.
And since I don't have a life, I also research it. And ask ask ask some more.

Anyways, so I bought the old My Chemical Romance cd yesterday.
Yeah, I kinda went backwards with MCR, and yes they're one of my more favorite bands at the moment.
But everyone was all like
'OMG OMG OMG MCR'S OLD STUFF SOUNDS NOTHING LIKE THEIR NEW STUFF!'
And stuff like that.
So I, hopeful yet nervous, bought the cd and had a listen for myself.
And I saw the differences. Gerard's voice seemed a little... contained.
Unlike this cd, where he went all out and then some.
And they sounded a little poppier.
But they had the My Chemical Romance sound, y'know?
The sound that they can claim and theirs and only theirs.

So anyways, this got me thinking.
And I was like...
When you like a band so much and they're one of your favorites...
Do you find the differences or you know what makes the band them?
I mean, I've noticed that when I don't like a band like !SUPER!MAD!WHOA!
I can usually pick out their differences and be like
'Oh, they sound nothing like they used to'
Or something.
But when you like a band like !SUPER!MAD!WHOA!
You know what makes the band their own sound...
And you can pick it out, no matter how different the band sounds.

Maybe I'm just an optimist?
Haha, I think not.

Oh yeah.

I know I haven't written about him in a long time.
But I am still in love with this man.


But GatDamn, this man is sexy.

TRALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Finish this lyric: In a middle of a gunfight....

Hehe, you guys better make it fun!

<3
Sarah
Fuck Up The Things You Love

Hello, Bittersweet Tragedy [04 Nov 2004|07:05pm]
[ mood | Bittersweet ]
[ music | Thank You For The Venom ~My Chemical Romance ]

Life is so bittersweet right now.
So, so bittersweet.
Bush lost... Australia here I come!
Except not really.
I was going to go to Australia anyways.
But not this year. Next year.
I never really saw Kerry leading the world.
I only saw visions of Bush driving it more into it's own grave.

Dear America,
You let me down with your ignorance.

Or maybe it's just stupidity.

So I guess the next four years will be nothing but
The War on Terrorism
The War in Iraq
And the up and coming War on Drugs

How come we're just starting more and more wars
When we aren't even halfway finished with the previous ones?

And these next four years also means
No gay marriages
No gay unions
Possibly a ban of gay marriages
A ban on abortion (it's not about the fetus, it's about WHO and WHAT can tell us what we can do with our bodies!)
More religion being incorporated into our government
More women and liberal politicans losing government positions

Dear America,
Thank you for letting me down again.

One more bitter thing I have to say...
Only Bush could take such a patriotic and strong country post-September 11
And turn it into this halved country today.
Do you sense it?
Brother is fighting brother.
Sister against sister.
Mother against Father.
Etc etc etc.
It's almost like we're in the midst of a civil war.

Countries around the world are stunned.
What the fuck?
No, seriously.
WHAT THE FUCK?!

Anyways, yesterday was the biggest bittersweet day of my life.
I cried of frustration when I heard Bush won.
And then Colleen and I almost cried again when I realized the My Chemical Romance and SOTY show was sold out.
But no, a guy named Jake 'hooked us up'
Yeah, if you consider him hooking us up by making us pay almost twice as much for the tickets.
Oh well.
We saw my husband Gerard and My Chemical Romance and that's all that matters.
And we sang and danced during 'our' song.

And Story of the Year blew me away.
I never knew they were that hard!
I always thought of them as pop-punk.
I guess I was wrong.
Their energy was amazing.
Backflips, ninjakicks, spinkicks, birthday cake (it was Ben's birthday), and all...
Story of the Year kicked my ass.

Post-show was one of a kind as well.
A girl gave me a Clash sticker so I helped her pass out candy, stickers, buttons, etc.
The hot security guard loved me.
And it was amazingly fun.
I saw my baby Steve Sievers.
The boy will never change.
And Dave (33 West) stole my candy and left.
Woot.

So now,
One fucking douche of a leader for another four years,
One hundred dollars in debt,
Grounded for a month (for going to the show),
One MCR and SOTY show experienced,
One nice ass MCR hoodie,
Ramadan (for me) over,
LATER...
I'm stuck at this fork in the road.

Should I be happy or should I be sad?

FUCK IT, MAN!
I'm happy as can ever be. :o)
<3
Sarah
4 Watched Their Dreams Die| Fuck Up The Things You Love

Angels And Demons! [31 Oct 2004|08:23pm]
[ mood | impressed ]
[ music | In The Wake Of The Bunt ~Horse The Band ]

Anyone read Angels and Demons by Dan Brown?
It is ONE AMAZING book.
I'm reading The Da Vinci Code now...
I can't wait to get into it.
Dan Brown is one AMAZING author.
That book REALLY made me think.

Here are some excerpts from the book:
He coughed again, sounding sick. "The men and women of CERN are here to find answers to the same questions that man has been asking since the beginning of time. Where did we come from? What are we made of?"
"And these answers are in the physics lab?"
"You sound surprised."
"I am. The questions seem spiritual."
"Mr. Langdon, all questions were once spiritual. Since the beginning of time, spirituality and religion have been called on to fill in the gaps that science did not understand. The risign and setting of the sun was once attributed to Helio and a flaming chariot. Earthquakes and tidal waves were the wrath of Poseidon. Science has now proven those gods to be false idols. Soon ALL Gods will be proven to be false idols. Science has now provided answers to almost every question man can ask. Ther eare only a few questions left, and they are the esoteric ones. Where do we come from? What are we doing here? What is the meaning of life and the universe?"
Langdon was amazed. "And these are questions CERN is trying to answer?"
"Correction. These are the questions we ARE answering."

The world's largest scientific research facility - Switzerland's Conseil European pour la Recherche Nucleaire (CERN) - recently succeeded in producing the first particles of antimatter. Antimatter is identical to physical matter except that it is composed of particles whose electric charges are OPPOSITE of those found in normal matter.
Antimatter is the most powerful energy source known to man. It releases energy with 100 percent efficiency (nuclear fission is 1.5 percent efficient). Antimatter creates no pollution or radiation, and a droplet could power New York City for a full day.
There is, however, one catch...
Antimatter is highly unstable. It ignites when it comes in contact with absolutely anything... even air. A single gram of antimatter contains the energy of a 20-kiliton nuclear bomb - the size of the bomb dropped on Hiroshima.
Until recently antimatter has been created only in very small amounts (a few atoms at a time). But CERN has now broken ground on its new Antiproton Decelerator - an advanced antimatter production facility that promises to create antimatter in much larger quantities.
One question looms: Will this highly volitile substance save the world, or will it be used to create the most deadly weapon ever made?

"Whether or not you believe in God," the camerlengo said, his voice deepending with deliberation, "you must believe this. When we as species abandon our trust in the power greater than us, we abandon our sense of accountability. Faith... ALL faiths... are admonitions that there is something we cannot understand, something to which we are accountable... With faith we are accountable to each other, to ourselves, and to a higher truth. Religion is flawed, but only because MAN is flawed. If the outside world could see this church as I do... looking beyond the ritual of these walls... they would see a modern miracle... a brotherhood of imperfect, simple souls wanting only to be the voice of compassion in a world spinning out of control."

Haha, I'd write so much more.... but I suggest you just read the rest of the book!
<3
Sarah
Fuck Up The Things You Love

And Through Our Mistakes We Find The Truth. [27 Oct 2004|07:37pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | Hexagram ~Deftones ]

I've come to the realization that the more I attempt to find myself...

The more I stray away from the internet and everything that comes along with it.
Myspace, deadjournal, livejournal, Xanga, message boards, AIM, MSN Messenger...
The whole lot.
People that don't see me or hear from me much offline are thinking I'm dead.

The more I stray away from going to concerts
Oh, missed on here... and there...
And I haven't been talking to any of my band boys lately, either.

The more I stray away from talking to people or hanging out too much.
Or talking to anyone.
Or texting anyone.
Or anything.

So like, everyone's saying it's good so I can get out of my depression and all that sorts.
Or is this just a morbid excuse to stop doing what I love...
In an attempt of finding something that may ultimately not be worth it?

I've seen this change in me.
And things are starting to look good.
Very damn good.

Oh, and one more thing.
I dropped edge, sXe, xXx, XXX, straight edgeness, the entire thing.
Haven't done anything, but I don't feel the need to associate myself with that anymore.
(And for those that didn't figure it out, my last entry was about that)
<3
Sarah
2 Watched Their Dreams Die| Fuck Up The Things You Love

Come Clean All This Up... [25 Oct 2004|08:40pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]
[ music | Horns And Tails ~Poison The Well ]

I've come to the realization that I'm changing quite fast.
And that some of my priorities aren't really priorities and need to be dropped.
Soon.
It's just so hard to change something you've done for five years...
And want to get rid of it.
And it's not like I can take this thing and gradually get rid of it.
One second could get rid of this thing...
One little action.
And that's it.
It'll just simply be over.
But people change.
And I've changed.
I can't tell you guys what it is because I don't any any advice on it.
I want to make up my own mind.
So when I regret it, I can blame it on myself.
But I don't think I'll ever regret it.
Because it's time to take a chance.
And it's time to make a change.

So whose doing what for Halloween?
And whose being what?
<3
Sarah
Fuck Up The Things You Love

Beating Hearts, Babyyyyy [22 Oct 2004|02:32am]
[ mood | jealous ]
[ music | Move Your Body ~Nina Sky ]

xDetxSkaderx (1:55:00 AM): Hi, my name is Sarah Khan and I'm addicted to life. *starts sobbing*
diehardincubus (1:55:29 AM): don't you know what life does to you?
diehardincubus (1:55:33 AM): how could you?
xDetxSkaderx (1:55:52 AM): I started when I was young and naive... I didn't know. And now... now it's just too.hard.to.quit.


Why is that the CUTEST picture EVER?
<3
Sarah
Fuck Up The Things You Love

Can I Getcho Numbaaaa? [20 Oct 2004|09:22pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]
[ music | Beating Heart Baby ~Head Automatica ]

I finally got a new cell phone. Third one this year!
571 331 8067
I have a total of six entries in my phone
Because I lost all my numbers when my phone got lost.
So I need yours too.
Leave your number in a comment if you like...
The comments will be screened so no one else can see them.
Kay?
Alrite
:o)
<3
Sarah
1 Watched Their Dreams Die| Fuck Up The Things You Love

[19 Oct 2004|12:45am]
First and foremost I would like apologize for my recent permanent bad mood...
But things just aren't going that great right now.

There's this dying wish that keeps playing over and over and over in my head...
And the fact that once I become all emotional and stuff, people lose interest and have gotten bored with me.

I've been sick on and off since the end of September and it feels like my health is detiorating.
I hate being anemic.

It feels like I can't take anymore, but since this bad mood, every little thing seems to be adding up.
Like stuff that I wouldn't normally take offense to are totally blowing my mind.
Everything is like walking on a thin glass floor. Everything hurts.
Even things that aren't supposed to hurt. AT ALL.

I've been waking up with this constant heavy weight on my heart and it feels like it'll never ever end.
It's getting hard to breathe.
And it's hard to sleep at night.
I've been sleeping more than half the day... because I feel the more I sleep
The more I can run away from the pain.

I'm like this person, right?
I'm like so strong and others think I'm so strong.
But I don't know how to heal at all.
I never forget the pain and it just hurts and hurts and hurts.
I have a hard time sympathizing. I don't know how to sympathize to my friends.
And I don't know how to TAKE sympathy.
That's why my friends are all becoming so distant.

I DESERVE for them to not like me anymore.
I DESERVE for them to start fading away from me.
I don't deserve their sympathy because I don't know how to take it.
I just see everything in pity.
I don't want pity.
I want security... and that security is fading fast because I don't know how to take sympathy.

I feel like a glass doll.
So ignored.
Only watched.
Set up high on this pedestol.
So admired... but so ignored.

I don't feel worthy of anything.
Of my family.
Of my friends.
My job.
My talents.
My God.
I'm not worthy of any of them.

I'm such a horrible person that you don't even know...

It feels like everything enjoyable that I do is just a temporary solution.
I've fallen into the routine in which I wanted so badly never to fall into.
And I'm just hurting for change. I'm hurting to get away.
Get away from everything. This pain. These horrible people.
Pain. Pain. Pain.
Every single thing.

I don't exactly know what's triggered this, but there's so much in my life that I have to get through.
I've like fallen into this puddle of mud that I can't swim out of.
The more I kick to save myself, the more tired I get...
The more tired I get... the more I start giving up...

I'm constantly being pressured at home to be the 'golden Paki girl'
And that's the biggest burden on me of all.
Because I recently found out that my grandfather's dying wish
Was to have my married to the man of his choosing.
And I don't want an arranged marriage.
I don't want a Paki husband.
I don't want a Muslim husband.
It's harsh, I know. But it's so true.
So I know I won't and that I can't fufill his dying wish
But it feels like that I'll carry the pain of not being able to fufill it
To my grave.
I'm going to let my family down.
I'm going to let everyone down.
I'm going to make them cry when I leave.
I'm going to make this wish they were dead when I leave.
I'm going to wish I was dead because I made them wish I was dead when I leave.

And I hate how everyone pretends everything is so dandy and keen.
Stop ignoring me! And stop asking me what's wrong.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG.
I want to bash it in everyone's face...
It's NOT okay. I'M NOT OKAY. IT'S NEVER GOING TO BE OKAY.
I SWEAR TO YOU WITH ALL MY LITTLE HEART AND SOUL
I'M NOT OKAY.

I don't know what I want.
And the world doesn't revolve around me, so I should stop acting like it should.
I think I just simply deserve to crawl in a hole and die.
So that I won't be a burden on my friend's hearts.
So I won't be able to let my family down.
So I won't ever FEEL LIKE THIS AGAIN.
4 Watched Their Dreams Die| Fuck Up The Things You Love

Chipped [17 Oct 2004|06:18pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]
[ music | Godfather's Lollipop ~Coheed And Cambria ]

Note to self:
I miss you. Come back soon.
1 Watched Their Dreams Die| Fuck Up The Things You Love

[15 Oct 2004|02:47am]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Home ~Jamison Parker ]

Emotion (verb): A: a state of feeling B : a psychic and physical reaction (as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling and physiologically involving changes that prepare the body for immediate vigorous action
synonym see FEELING


Sometimes I wish my feelings were like pictures
So whenever I felt so bad or found a feeling that I didn't like
I could just *snip, snip*... just cut it all away.

Today sucked a whole lot.

I'm so sick and tired of being so sad and so depressed all the time.

And I don't think I can handle it anymore.
It's just pain building over pain building over pain
I hurt. And what hurts even more is that it feels like NO ONE FUCKING CARES.

I've been crying on and off the whole day.

I don't know what's wrong with me
1 Watched Their Dreams Die| Fuck Up The Things You Love

And I Won't Give Up... [14 Oct 2004|02:56am]
[ mood | restless ]
[ music | Footloose ~Good Charlotte ]


Today, I carved a ♥heart♥ into my knuckles...
So instead of handing it to you
I could punch you with it

My teeth are gonna fall out.
How 'bout that debate, aye?
<3
Sarah
Fuck Up The Things You Love

[12 Oct 2004|04:16pm]

THE ULTIMATE SILENCE
October 12, 1998



Six years ago today, Matthew Shepard was murdered for being homosexual.

What will you do to end the silence?

Click here to post this on your own page or weblog
Fuck Up The Things You Love

Let The Good Times Roll [10 Oct 2004|11:35pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]
[ music | Fina World Swimming Championships ]

Yesterday was so much fun.
I decided that I needed to go see Lull anyways...
It was their last show of the year, so I just had to see them.
My mom ended up dropping my sister and I off.
We hung around, Steve/Chris was there and that made my day
I love that kid.
Pipeline had an amazing turnout, their crowd was so exicted and stuff.
Then Lull came on and they did an amazing job as well.
I was definetly impressed.
( Here are the pictures I took of them. I definetly had an off night )
Yeah, bad pictures. I'm losing confidence in my pictures and I don't wanna show these to Daniel. Haha.
We hung out for about an hour afterwards.
Daniel and Dyreck (the guitarists) are the greatest guys ever.
We talked about everything from TIVO memories in our brains
To dolphin sex.
And then Dyreck took me home.
It was grand of him.
I was at 7-11 and I had a flower in my hair
And some reallllllly hot guy
Was like
'I like your flower, it looks good on you. You're like a Hawaiin princess'
That boosted my self confidence. Haha.
<3
Sarah
Fuck Up The Things You Love

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